Guess the Queen

The last few posts I was a little snarky, so I decided to post something pretty funny.

Four fabulous Pretty Young Thangs walking through the streets of New York, but only one of them is a true Queen.

(Hint: It's not the one in the yellow rain boots).

Karma's A You-Know-What

Heidi from The Hills paid a lot of money for some inflatable water balloons and a nose that looks exactly the same according to US Weekly.

Serves her right: bad surgery for bad people.

I only watched a few episodes of The Hills, but from what I saw she broke the Number 1 girl rule: Chicks Before D*cks.

She consistently stood up LC on friend dates and moved out of the apartment early. Thank goodness they were in LA because if girlfriend backed out of a NYC apartment rent there would be some bounty hunter action in place.

Luckily for her she kept that money for some bad plastic surgery that makes her look like every other D-List blonde in L.A.

Wait, then again, it's all fake anyways. So, who cares? Congrats on the new boobs.

It's Spring! Let's Breakup

It's Spring time. That means sun, warm weather, and hand holding couples- right?

ERRRRR, wrong.

It actually rains.. a lot, is sometimes warm, and is a time to check out all the hotness that's been covered up all winter.

Need proof?



Case #1: Kate Middelton & Prince William
Apparently they broke up because he was having more fun with military pals and not spending enough time with her in London. Rrright. Unless his 'fun' is part of that don't ask, don't tell policy I am sure getting wasted with the guys is never as fun as getting wasted with your grandma-approved girlfriend.



Case #2: Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams
This is still a rumor and I hope for these Canadian love birds it's false.
BUT if it were true- I'd so go Rachel! Way to dump the loser!
I had the pleasure of running into the couple once, and the unfortunate disaster of running into wifebeater, heroin looking Gosling another time. She's beautiful, insanely talented, and from the conversation I overheard a real sweetheart.
Sure he was charming the waiters at Tojo in Vancouver, but it's not going to cover the fact that he still looks like white trash.
It's just proof McAdams should've gone for the James Marsden character in the first place.



Case #3: The Non-Celeb Folk
My friends and I were all hooked up this winter and now half of them are single, including yours truly (but not for the reasons listed above). Coincidence? I think not! Actually... we are all blonde.

Dr's Don't Approve House M.D.

The Fox show House is a huge hit in this West Village apartment filled with one economics and one communications major.

But today I tested this amazing show on a real life doctor... with foul results:

"This the worst show I've ever seen"

"They can't do that!"

"Don't they have any writers that know anything writing this show?"

And then there was the blank face, bored look.


House- Doctor tested, only kid approved.

Detroit Rock City Ain't So Rockin

It was a rough week for the girls representing my hometown on the CW. Detroiters Melissa from "The Next Pussycat Doll" and Jael from "American's Next Top Model" were given the boa and axe this week.



But personally I was happy to see Jael leave "America's Next Top Model". Girl does not represent the D-Town well. We are smart, classy, and ARTICULATE females. Jael was such a mumble mouth that every word she uttered was subtitled so people could understand it. 50 Cent agreed with me, he pushed her into the pool! Detroit already has a bad rep, we don't need her around making it any worse.



But alas, the saving grace for Detroiters was wanna-be Pussycat Doll Melissa. She was smart, down to earth, and had a tad of bitchiness to make her entertaining. But now that she was (unfairly) told to hang up her boa, I am going to call her a Canadian. She listed Toronto as her second hometown and since us Detroiters always persevere, she must be Canadian. (Sorry Canucks, I gotta be loyal to the D-Town!)

Season finale for Pussycat Dolls is on this week, which means my favorite procrastination material will be over with just as finals begin. How's that for bad timing.

First Time Sex

It's one of the few genuinely funny chain letters I've received in a while:

"A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time .

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Sanjaya is Gone-Ya!

It's 5:00 on Thursday (or my Friday) and that's the best title I could do.

I wanted to put this up for my mom. She watched the show.. I didn't. She hated Sanjaya.. I didn't. She cares.. I don't.

So here's the beautifully cheesy farewell video that only American Idol can do so well.

My Meeting With Paul Walker

You know how everyone has a top 3?

Well Paul Walker is my Number 3 (behind Brad Pitt & Jason Lewis of course).

When I found out he was coming in for a business meeting at my internship I did the New York thing and wore my finest black ensemble.

But when I walked in I found three quasi nerdy, quasi cool dudes and a werewolf.

Yes Paul Walker was not the shirtless babe I had expected, but had a full on beard and shaggy long hair (needs buzz cut, below). Of all the dudes in the room, I had to hand it to him that he was the most entertaining. I mean, his colleagues brought scripts with them to read off of... Yikes. There was discussion afterwards that maybe the actor's 'unique' voice was tinted by a Canadian accent or smoking of a certain plant. Last time I checked he was born in California.

Despite the crazy facial hair and questionable voice, he's got the most ridiculous baby blues you will ever see.

Therefore, he stays in the Top 3.

How To Pull A Britney

With all the media coverage and tragedy with the Virginia Tech, I think it's good to pull the Britney card and get everyone laughing again.

So here it is- How To Pull A Britney.



Step 1: Get a perfectly handsome man with lots of hair.




Step 2: Put buzzer on level 4 and start going at it.




Step 3: Buzz, Buzz, Buzz until there's nothing left. There is no such thing as buzzing too much. I learned the hard way by leaving funky long ear hairs on this guy's head.




Step 4: Clean up! Get all the hair in one bag, and donate it if you can... or if you're a celebrity eBay this shiznit.




Step 5: Revel in your new found S-E-X-I-NESS!!!

VT Massacre: Update

The police have identified the killer in the Virginia Tech slayings. I decided against mentioning his name or showing his picture because the media attention is exactly what he wanted- and I ain't gonna give that to him.

What we really should be talking about is the tragedy for the victims and how to prevent this from happening again.

The major flaw is that the gunman was allowed to buy his guns despite having a mental record. According to CNN, since he voluntarily admitted himself into a mental hospital it would not immediately show up on a background check. This proved very fatal. The man was incredibly mentally disturbed (according to a psychiatrist on CNN as a result of sexual abuse). He sent a video to NBC before the massacre and said the blood is on "our" hands and that he is dieing like "Jesus Christ" for all the disturbed people...

That's just as ridiculous as this picture:



The owner of Roanoke Guns/father of a Virginia Tech alum, who sold the weapons to the gunman, said that one more law added to the already 20,000 gun laws in place would not have stopped this madman. The gunman had, in fact, broken a law since he did not declare his mental illness when purchasing the weapons. While I understand that criminals will disregard all moral and legal codes to get what they want, something obviously isn't working and it needs to change. Whether that's making all guns illegal, making them more expensive, or changing our cultural acceptance of guns... we have to do a better job than what we're doing now.

The Deadliest School Shooting Ever

This morning a gunman killed 32 students and himself at Virginia Tech. The gunman shot two people at a dorm around 7am and then went into another building two hours later and wounded and killed dozens. As of this moment the gunman has not been identified (he carried no ID) and there is no known motive.

This is a phone video from a student at Virginia Tech. You can hear the gunshots and screams. It's very scary and above all this is very sad.

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

I told my mom I was big on the internet and she started freaking out. Nope, no sex tapes, no scandalous photos, no stalkers.

Just lots of techies that loved my Rolling Stone post.


The Rolling Stone story, below, was also posted on my school's blog, We Want Media, and became a huge internet success (thanks to my professor e-mailing all the major blogs). Gawker, Media Bistro, Tech Crunch, and GigaOm were among the many that picked the story up.

Om Malik of GigaOm was especially awesome and said this about me:


"Such sassiness… Andrea is going to be a great blogger."


Fantabulous... now if only that would get me a job and some health care.

M.I.A.... Again

So I haven't been active lately and that's because my brain is filled with frankly too much alcohol.

Graduation is looming (dun dun dun) so it's time for me and my decolletage to hit the town before the 'real world' comes and life is over. :)

Rolling Stone to Jump on MySpace Bandwagon

When Keith Blanchard, Wenner Media's executive director for online media like Us Weekly, Rolling Stone's, and Men's Journal, asked my journalism class how many people visit Rolling Stone's website, only one person raised their hand.

Ouch.

Although college students are their 'target audience', I'm under the strong impression that people 30 and above actually read the mag. Did any of us really watch the MTV-RS reality show? No. Oh, and to clear the record, as a student journalist I am NOT drunk writing this post.

So if one person were to re-vamp RS's website and make it youth friendly it would definitely be Blanchard. He's one of the masterminds behind Maxim's success (yes, even I love the mag) and thankfully turned UsWeekly's stale website into a fun, highly updated gossip haven.

So what's in store for RS.com?

Well, MySpace of course, but Rolling Stone style.

Rolling Stone's the authority figure for judging music (just check out all their wikipedia links), which makes it incondusive for this generation's obsession with consumer generated content. So Blanchard is planning on launching a separate site that will be a social network for music fans, complete with profiles and the ability to have a say in their "Best of" lists. Blanchard called it, "The American Idol version of lists." Let's hope Sanjaya doesn't make it on any of those.

Blanchard is also planning on digitizing all 1000 back issues of Rolling Stone that will be available on the website and to purchase as a DVD set. This may be done by Christmas, so you can check Dad off the list.

I think RollingStone.Com's make over is highly overdue and this is the perfect way to do it: keep the magazine just the way it is but add another online element that embodies youth culture.



But truth be told, will I really join a RS myspace? Hells to the No. Unless they develop some anti-sexual predator software. That way I can:

A) Post my pictures in peace

B) And Dateline's Chris Hansen can go back to doing real news.


And the world will be a much better place. THE END.

Take Me To The "House of Sanjaya"

I don't watch AI (gasp!) because watching people sing is really, really boring.

But when there's a dude that CAN'T sing and has better hair than I do- well, that's reason enough to start watching for me!


It's also a good reason to start drinking.. according to my mom:

"I'll have some wine tonight as I watch Sanjaya get his ass kicked off of Idol. Or maybe drown my sorrows as he remains on - sheesh."



Go Sanjaya- Go!

A Little Therapy Never Hurt Anyone

I've had a bad week- so what's a girl to do??


RETAIL THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salon 9 showroom is having a crazy sample sale at 241 W. 37th street.

I got a little swimsuit happy (which is totally an oxymoron) and bought 3 swimsuits. Not only were they totally amazing- they gave me cleavage!! Some of my push up bras don't even do that!

My fave designer was NY based Brette Sandler:



I got this in pink.





Having the blues sucks, but it's always an excuse to go shopping and drink heavily without regret!

For more fabulous sample sales go to:

TOPBUTTON.COM

Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy Is...

LARRY BIRKHEAD!!!!

Dr. Michael Baird told the Bahamian courts that he is 99.9% sure Larry Birkhead is the father of Dannielynn.


This is a very good thing for many reasons:

1) Baby Danni won't have a rumored murderer for a father

2) She'll be a good looking kid

3) We won't have to hear about this story anymore!



The last one was wishful thinking, but seriously, there's a happy ending and that's all that matters.

Belated Easter 'Wishes' Courtesy of Matt

My brother outdoes me again- in the sick Easter humor category.

Songs I Should've Written

"Heal Over" by KT Tunstall.

This song has some pretty awesome lyrics.

Songs I Should've Written- Part Deux

Silent Sea- KT Tunstall.

This has an even better melody.

I think Ms. Tunstall is my favorite import at the moment. :)

Happy Easter!

I hope you're day is much better than his!


Pic from the well titled WayOdd.com

A Poem For Cocoa

Cocoa was the best
Was happy and smil'd a lot
Loyal and loving

She loved, loved to eat
Pancakes, Cheerios, Gravy,
All things chocolate

Pleasantly plump dog
She had gray hairs very young
But such youthful eyes

Liked to swim in lakes
Loved to put her head in snow
She slept all day

She was very nice
She was popular with all
Even dog haters

She lived a long life
A good life with lots of love
We'll always miss you!

I Miss Canadia

This video was taken at the Vancouver Aquarium.

It's an adorable, drama filled clip (especially around 1:20- hint hint).

Canadians- and their otters- are sooo cute!!!!

This Could've Been Us

The luxury cruise ship, Sea Diamond, sank off the coast of Greek's Santorini earlier today after hitting rocks. There were 1600 passengers and crew on board and unfortunately a French father and daughter are missing.

What makes this even scarier is that my family was going to book the Sea Diamond for our Mediterranean cruise excursion in May. Luckily we chose Royal Caribbean, which is an amazing cruise line. :)

Here's the play by play of what happened:


Here's the Sea Diamond in all its glory... chuggin along... choo choo!


Then- BAM! The SD hit some shallow rocks off of Santorini. It slowly but surely is tipping over while people try to evacuate... and other people just watch.


The SD in its final moments before she sinks to the ground...



The good news?

The Feczko Fam will still be going on their cruise trip
The cruise sank in warm Aegean Sea waters vs. the cold Atlantic (a la Titanic)
And the 2 people are "missing", so there is hope.

Warning Signs Are Pink

The 'poem of the day' for 11 Penn Plaza elevators is:


Happiness

is pink.

It tastes

like popsicles.


Stephen, Age 4.



And they say homosexuality is something you learn, not born with...

Madonna's Line Is Not So Vogue

I browsed the new Madonna line at H&M this weekend and left unimpressed.

Sure, the cuts are elegant and the quality of the fabric is envious at those prices, but what you see in the ads is exactly what you get.

The clothing is only in black and white and everything looks like it would approve a business dress code.

This is probably the worst combo for me because:
A) A New Yorker does not need another black clothing item in her closet.
And B) I am trying at all costs to find a career that does not require a business dress code.


The zip-up jacket is cool... if I actually wore zip-up jackets.


(Sigh)

Hopefully Kate Moss does better for TopShop.

My 1st Paparazzo Pic

And by "Paparazzo" I meant adoring & fabulously talented Aunt who took this picture.



The Boy (Pre Buzz Cut) & Me taking a stroll in the West Village, NYC.

What Happened To Good Things Happen To Good People?

And vice versa?

Avril Lavigne is not a nice person. She's like music's Paris Hilton, ungrateful, snotty girls who don't deserve fans or wealth, fame, love etc.

But alas, she does lack one thing- a sense of humor!

Like starting with the first question- "Let's talk about your FANTASTIC new single Girlfriend?" Haha- get it? Fantastic?

No?

Watch on... It only gets better.. or worse.