Karl Rove "Raps"

If you didn't know why America was the laughing stock of the world- here's your proof.

And FYI
If I was Eminem- I'd be so pissed. Rove is totally trying to steal his thunder.

Which Came First...

The eating disorder or the (rumored) drug addiction?

Case 1

Nicole Richie



Seeing as she went into rehab for heroin in 2003 and has been arrested several times since then for drug use- I'm gonna go with...

Drug Addiction.



Case 2

Mary-Kate Olsen.



Although the NY Post said she went into rehab for cocaine addiction, I'm going to give Mary-Kate the benefit of the doubt and say...

Eating Disorder



Case 3

Donatella Versace's 70 pound daughter Allega.



Ooh, tough call. The high fashion industry is rumored to dabble a lot in both scenes and I'm sure growing up in her house there was no food, but plenty of cigarettes, and stuff around. But I'm gonna go with...

Eating Disorder



This goes to show you that just because you have lots of money, doesn't mean you can make someone buy- or eat- food.


I hope rehab/therapy works better for them than it has the other celebs...

One More Reason to Envy Jessica Alba

While I was google-ing pictures of Jessica Smith (see below) I stumbled upon this picture and almost fell over in my seat!



Jessica Alba with her two pugs- Sid & Nancy. Not only does she have a killer body, an amazing career, and a loveable personality, she's also living my dream of owning two pugs.


... Which makes me wonder, does she need a pug sitter?

The Couple That Gets Arrested Together- Gets Back Together?

Where are the Laguna Beach alums now?

IN JAIL.


Jessica Smith, from Laguna Beach "fame", was arrested on a felony DUI charge yesterday. Not only was she driving under the influence and underage (she's 19), but she also crashed and injured two people. Double whammy- game over.

Here's the mugshot. I totally feel bad for the girl:



This arrest follows her old boy toy, Jason Whaler's arrest for assault charges a few months ago. Right now he's serving a 60 day prison term.



But maybe there is a silver lining to these rich kids-turned-delinquints soap opera? Maybe the horrible experience of jail will bring the two love birds back together?




Mmmm, ya, probably not. Jessica is now in the elite circle of the arrested Paris Hilton clan, meaning she'll be too busy spreading herpes to D-list beefcake actors and Greek heirs.

So tragic.

Perez Hilton Really Is A Dick

Perez Hilton aka Mario Lavendeira has chistened himself as "The Most Hated Person in Hollywood." And now I know why.

After three weeks of chasing him down for an interview, an interview that he already said yes to, he has said "No." His reason? He's too busy.

While I'm sure he is really busy, I am also sure that he is a publicity whore and NYU Journalism isn't exactly PR central. Lame excuse, which is expected from a guy who hides behind a computer in order to have a personality.. and some balls.

So now I officially have joined the club of people who hate Mario Lavendeira. But unfortunately, I'm still going to read his blog. Shame on me.

King of the (Jamaican) Dancehall

I spent the past week in Negril, Jamaica for my last official Spring Break- although I'm sure I'll figure out a way to go next year. I'd love to brag about how great it was and how fun it was, but inside I'm kicking myself for not dancing with the devil again in Acapulco.

There were a few highlights to the trip- our bug infested hotel not being one of them. At the top of the list was seeing "King of the Dancehall" Beenie Man live in Jamaica!



The venue is called "The Jungle" and has a massive King Kong balloon at the entrance. Boy, those Jamaicans sure are clever. I love how King Kong is drinking Red Stripe.


The list of "rules." Drugs? Prostitutes? At A Jamaican Club? NEVER!


The King.


And his Bling.


The "King" played a 2 1/2 hour set- which is totally impressive. It was so awesome that Marietta actually let loose and made a funny face. I've never seen her do this before.. and probably will never see it again. That's why it's going in a frame right next to the pot I smuggled back. JUST KIDDING! I hate pot.

Ciao! Manhattan

This video shows why I'm so obsessed with Edie Sedgwick- and Manhattan. It's unbelievable.

Andy Warhol's Wake

While I am an Andy Warhol fan, I am only one because he made Edie Sedgwick (aka my idol) famous.

The "wake" was actually a gallery opening where my fabulous friend Molly gave us free booze and showed us her amazing art work!


This is Molly's first gallery piece!! (congrats chica) It's a drawing of a series of pictures that Edie took in a photo booth. You know the booths at the movies where you make funny faces and four pictures are printed on a bookmark-ish sheet? Ya, that's it. It probably has a name but I can't think of it right now... It was by far the best piece and if anyone wants to buy it (as a graduation present for me) let me know and I'll hook you up with her contact info!!

The rest of the gallery was pretty cool too:


This was is an actual photograph from a living Factory member's collection. Good for him for getting out of there alive!






God- I wish I was alive back then so I could get away with teeny tiny mini skirts and pounds of black eyeliner. I guess there's always Halloween though....

Aliens Do Exist!

Paula is still totally on something during this interview but admits it's not what you think- it's the aliens!

A pretty genius answer- I'm sure her publicist came up with that.

Enjoy!

Reason 12348791253 Not To Get Married

Marriage is scary.
Divorce rates are super high, it's permanent, and it means that having kids who destroy your life is right around the corner (Just ask my parents).

But alas- let's say you found The One and have the most beautiful dress, ceremony, and man... And then this happens!




So funny. Luckily for the bride you can't see her face!

The New Thing

A good skit, a good laugh, and an even better location (NYU campus!!)

Showbiz Ain't Glamorous

Especially if you're in porn.



The night started off innocently. We were invited to the Pussycat Lounge to support our fellow NYU-er, above, in his film production debut for the porn "The Bi-Apple."


Then his wholesome friend won the raffle and received her very own stripper pole! Risque- sure. Fun/Funny- you bet. Disgusting- not yet.


Well then we started looking around... We expected to see some barely clothed females, but not males with beards wearing skimpy Wonderwoman costumes and high heels.

ALERT ALERT ALERT- Graphic Images Coming Next!


While the earlier party activities were more bachelor party oriented with suggestive dance offs and lap dances... this one took the- cake?
This couple was pierced with two hooks on stage, a rope attached them, and then they try to run away from each other!
AHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't they do this as torture in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?


As this happened I hid in a corner, in the fetal position, and prayed that God would save my sorry soul.

When Implants Go Wrong

Terribly Wrong.



What do you think was the reaction after surgery??


Doctor: "OMG, he is the devil child--- EXORCIST!"

or

Patient: "Sh*t Doc! What part of breast could you not find??"

or

Patient: "I'm too sexy for my horns, too sexy for my horns, so sexy it hurts."



Pussycat Lounge, NYC

Isaac Mizrahi Spotted

Apparently I'm not the only one with dog walking issues.

I saw Isaac Mizrahi, the Style Network TV host, on 12th street & sixth avenue. Isaac had a mysteriously large brace on one of his legs and the poor guy was almost being dragged by his overzealous dog "Harry."

How did I know his dog's name? Well he kept on screaming "Harry"- "Harry!" - "HARRY STOP!"



I wish you a speedy recovery and safety in your future dog walking excursions!

Too Shocked For Words

1998 called, they want their music back.

Seriously, who are these people? The UK has some of the best music in the world- Bloc Party, Amy Winehouse- what those Brits thinking??

Angelina's "New" Family

Speaking of Dannielynn, here are a few other kids Angelina should save!



Jolie-Pitt adoption #4: Suri Cruise.
This kid is already an "alien," the least she could have are some normal parents. Look at this picture- she's already trying to get away!



Jolie-Pitt adoption #5: Sean Preston Federline & Jayden James Federline.
Their dad is K-Fed. Enough said.



Jolie-Pitt adoption #6: If Paris Hilton Gets Knocked Up.
Ya Paris, I feel the same way too.
Bad thoughts... Bad thoughts...

Debra Opri's A Smart Woman

Not only because she's a lawyer.... She dumped- err "terminated"- that crazy Larry Birkhead.

I never really thought much of Anna Nicole, let alone her lovers, but I was starting to pity the dude until I heard THIS!!


Hint: EXCLUSIVE! EXCLUSIVE! EXCLUSIVE!


A good friend of mine informed me that on the day of Anna Nicole's burial, Larry Birkhead HIT ON her very attractive aunt in the elevator at Paradise Island's Atlantis Hotel.

He was in his black suit and everything, ready to pay his "respects" to Anna Nicole's memory.

Sham!!!



Angelina Jolie is a good woman.
Someone please convince her to adopt a Bahamian baby (Dannielynn) because right now she is screwed!

Canadians Are Clumsy

I received this e-mail from my lovely Canadian friend Leah:

"Ok... So I'm reading your blog this morning -- and I can't believe it.

I too sliced my eyeball with a piece of paper. Spent a few hours in the hospital -- where they put some orange dye into my eye to see exactly where the cut was. Had to spend the rest of the night with an eyepatch on. Felt like a total loser.

Can't believe it happened to someone else.

Crazy."

Crazy is right, unless they breed you guys differently up there. ;)

But I'm sure you were the best looking, patch wearing Diva in Vancouver!!

Happy Belated St. Patrick's Day!

I know I'm a few days late, but I'm sure there are some drunk Irish people out there who are still celebrating.

So to them I say:

Drink, Chug, & Get Sloppy!

Spring Break To Do List

NYU gave its students a whole slew of fun things to do:

Sleep (Check)

Enjoy the SUN/SAND/skiing (Check, Check, Nope)

Have Mom/Dad/Sister do laundry (In my dreams...)

Dry Clean Interview Suit (Hey-- where is this list going?)

Prep Resume For Industry Networking Forums!!


ERRRRRRRRRRR, WRONG ANSWER NYU.


How about:

Drink



Tan



& Dance




I'M IN JAMAICA UNTIL THE 17TH!!!


YA MOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

Breaking News!!!

Paper Cuts In The Eye Hurt-- Just Ask Doug E. Fresh!!



Sure he may be charming and very pretty, but he is a natural blonde and that is hazardous.

Doug E. was trying to prove a point at work today when the paper he was holding decided to SLICE his eye.


OUCCHHHHH

Luckily Doug E. is a trooper and was treated and released from the hospital within a few hours.

Hopefully the wound is better by tomorrow, where he'll have his mug taken many times at his brother's wedding.

I'll keep you posted!!

Haiku Fun

To My GBF:



To My G-B-F

I Love Your Fabulousness

Stay Sweet & Sex-ay

Too Cute Not To Post

I know a couple posts ago I was saying how "over" pugs I was... until I saw these pics!







I'm still sticking to ownership at thirty, but this pug is too cute to turn down another dog-sitting gig!

Well, if they ask me to dog-sit again. Maybe they would if I didn't break their washing machine. Oops.

Truce!

Alas! Boys and Girls can agree... on art.




The Andy Warhol 50 foot silk screen near the MoMA cafeteria.



Unfortunately, they can't agree on a pose.

MoMA- Just Call Him Brad

Doug E. Fresh not only looks like Brad Pitt, but digs concrete architecture too. Unfortunately for him, I'm no Angelina and won't be taking him to Frank Lloyd Wright's "Falling Water." Instead, I took him to the MoMA.



Call me old fashioned, or classic, but art is things that I can't do. Anyone can paint a huge square with one color- just come to my apartment!

Decide for yourself- Is This Art?
(AKA His Picks)

MoMA- Architecture Ain't Art

Art is paintings, beautiful paintings!

These are so complex and filled with beautiful hues that they definitely need some attention!!
(AKA My Picks)




This is a depiction of what happens when you're at a ball and you stop spinning around. Unfortunately I have never been to a ball so I will never know if people's dresses really collide like that, but if it did that'd be really cool.




This is called Berlin Street. I'm obsessed. I want it on my wall. And I want to go to Berlin, dressed in 20's gear.

When Ur Dude's Hotter Than U

Don't take him to a gay bar.



He has people asking for his autograph (three times!) while you're left sipping a Cosmopolitan -- alone.


Barracuda, NYC.

Barracuda- A Lesson In Male Seduction

Where: Barracuda Club Chelsea, New York

Who: Gio & Mysterious "Barracuda"

When: On A Freezing Winter Night

What: A Lesson in Male Seduction---



First Step-
Barracuda Shows His Goods



Second Step-
Show Barracuda Your Goods



Third Step-
Take A Picture Saying "Ooooh, Barracuda"




Yes, what you're thinking is right. This is totally strange.


** WARNING: No males were successfully seduced using this method **

Finally!

Abercrombie & Fitch made headlines today because their sales have gone down 6%.

About Time!

What do you expect when you sell the same out of style ripped jeans and cotton shirts every season, but always with a 10% increase?

Hello! Your models won't even wear the stuff- this is why they're always nude!





Ok, well maybe not. But A & F, you bear my initials and it's time to make some changes:

Change the clothes.

Change the prices.

Keep the models- Don't mess with a good thing.

XOXO

SoHo House: I'm 2 Fabulous For You

Me: "Hey SoHo House, I'm sooo honored to be here!"

SoHo House: "Ya, We're too fabulous for you."



Me: "What? You have something against booty shorts?"

SoHo House: "We only accept fabulous divorcees who got all their husband's money"

Me: "But wait! These are $250 silk booty shorts!!" (Mom, no worries, I got them wholesale)



SoHo House: "Sweetheart, stop talking. Go get a drink."

Me: "Well, I never could turn down free food and an open bar."



Me: "Gulp, Gulp, Gulp."

OPEN BAR'S DONE.

Me: "Whatever. I don't pay to get into clubs anyways."



SoHo House: "Ya, did you hear we have a pool?"

Me: "Oh."

Geico Cavemen Going Primetime?

ABC has ordered a pilot starring the three Geico cavemen.

I'm totally obsessed. I routinely break into hysterics when remembering the commercials, much to the confusion of those around me. If the sitcom is as good as the commercials, watching it will be better than eating a Magnolia Cupcake. Ok, it'll be just as good as eating a Magnolia Cupcake.

The problem that may spoil the sugar rush is the issue of Geico itself. Making the sitcom a 22-minute advertisement for the company may push television into an even grosser form of advertiser-controlled entertainment.

Unless (!) they decide to start a new trend of commercial-free TV programs via sponsorship, like in the old days. Brand integration is already a staple in many shows. If we have to choose the lesser of two evils, please get rid of the even more annoying commercial interruptions.

On a side note, I will be in heaven if the cockney gecko is a supporting player!

A Star Is Born

Because Becky is sooo going to be fired.







The star of VH1's reality series "The Agency" about the now defunct Wil-HELL-mina modeling agency is CRAZY- which is why I love her.

She totally calls models the "F" word (fat)
She is a raging alcoholic
Has a huge problem with chinny chin chins

Oh- and has a huge problem with authority and will be fired soon, if she hasn't been already.


Which means there'll be a spin-off in six months- like Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency meets Simon Cowell. MEOWWWWWWWWWWW

Gawker Revealed

Choire Sicha, the Managing Editor of Gawker, has quite the "spaz" personality. Talking to him was like talking to your friend in the middle of finals: non-stop caffeine and all nighters have wreaked havoc on his social skills. But whatever he lacks in verbal clarity, he totally makes up for in funny quotes:

"I'm a total spaz."

"I don't read anything. I'm ignorant."

"I interviewed Anderson Cooper and I'm like, 'Sorry, my questioning technique is really passive aggressive.' And he's like, 'No, it's aggressive aggressive.' "

On his career at Observer:
"I was like I don't know what to do, then messed up all the way along."

On Gawker:
"I think it's kind of frivolous and kind of distasteful and about the worst things in the world... I think half of the things on there are terrible."

On flak about "glim" reporting of dead people:
"We're all going to end up under the ground. Anna Nicole- see you on the other side!"

Blogging Tips:
"The drug trade in Miami is the place to start a blog."

On Blogging Career Options:
"Any people that calls this a career is in trouble."

And Finally...

"I'm scared shitless of being homeless."

Forget "The Light"- Go To "The Decolletage"

Jennifer Love Hewitt has taken a cue from my handbook and embraced her lady humps (true, JLH actually DOES have cleavage).

Love's hit show "Ghost Whisperer" has seen ratings soar after her stylist learned that her best assets may not be her face...



But her cleavage.



The twins are once again upstaging Love's 'acting talent' and getting (presumably) lucrative ad deals like this Hanes ad.



Good for you Love! If you got it flaunt it. And even if you don't got it, push them together and then flaunt it!


On a personal note:
Thank you JLH cleavage. Because of your staple on the show, my boyfriend will sit through the entire first season with me without complaining. You are truly doing good work. Keep it up!

It Almost Makes Me Want To Go To Rehab

This song is so awesome that I've been catching myself loudly singing it on the streets of Manhattan. Luckily New Yorkers are so jaded that they don't look twice at me.

And this is the funny Britney version. Instant classic.

I'm Sticking to Abstinence

... from Pugs!

They are still my #1, but after a week with Queen Farty I realize I am not worthy.





8 a.m. wake up calls, 4 walks a day, and constant guilt when not at the apartment has totally turned me off from having a pug.

I mean, jeeze, I'm only 21! I have my whole life ahead of me to be responsible.

This is my time to be irresponsible and flaky, to sleep until noon, and barely take care of myself let alone another living being.


Maybe when I'm 30. Ya, when I'm 30.

Not All Gym Fanatics Are Meatheads!

Well, according to my sister's blind date.

Remember Pat- the guy who was set up with my sister via a Chicago radio station? He's a gym instructor and obsessed with working out.

Of course one's natural fear going into the blind date would be:

A- He's a meat head.

B- You eat more than him.

C- Steroids have done some damage to his... 'goods.'


We will never know about option C, but we do know that the date was nice, platonic, and totally free!